Man’s Role During Birth: From Scared Spectator to Soul Mate
The climax of a most spritual experience!
When my wife went into labor with our first son Grayson I immediately went into freak-out mode. I remember trying over and over to put my socks on so I could go to the hospital. But for some reason I couldn’t get them on. Then I realized I was trying to put my underwear on my feet! All I knew is that I was supposed to get to the hospital asap and time those contractions. “Are you having one?...Are you having one now?...Is it over yet?” I kept asking. I’m surprised my wife Chrissy didn’t clock me in the head. During labor I was absolutely clueless. I didn’t know what was going on, my wife was in severe discomfort, and I felt completely out of control.
The fact is that I was out of control. I know and accept that now. And I get a good laugh at myself when I compare my role in the birth of our first child to that of our fifth child Daniel who was born only five days ago.
Daniel’s birth couldn’t have been more different. Anxiety was replaced with serenity; confusion with connection; and underwear with socks. But how did I get from point A to B? The fact is that the birth of each of our children Grayson (11), Seth (7), Isaac (4), Lily (2), and now Daniel brought me to a new level of consciousness regarding my role in the birthing process. I clearly played a different role with each of my children. In reflecting on each of these roles, I can see how they can each be compared to various roles associated with a game of football. Hey, even though this article is about birthing, I can still think like a dude!
First and 10 centimeters
First Child Grayson: I was the spectator
I watched the game from the stands; in fact it was like the first football game I had ever seen because I didn’t really understand what was going on. I just sat there and cheered when everyone else did.
Second Child Seth: I Worked On the Chain Crew
You know the guys who stand on the sidelines holding the orange sticks, that was me. I was as close as one could possibly get to game without actually being involved. I was there mentally, emotionally, and spiritually but didn’t really take an active role in the process.
Third Child Isaac: Assistant Coach
I knew the playbook inside and out and was able to make an impact on the outcome of the game, but still wasn’t as connected to the quarterback (my wife) as either of us would have liked.
Fourth Child Lily: 2nd String Offensive Tackle
I was definitely on the field contributing and the outcome was spectacular. Through this birth, Chrissy and I found a connection on another level and it changed our relationship forever. However, we both agreed that although I played an extremely supportive role, she spent the majority of her labor in her own space. Witnessing this alone was miraculous; watching someone transcend the pangs of physical pain with the hope and excitement of bringing a new life into the world.
Fifth Child Daniel: Starting Center
If you’re familiar with football then you know that the center and quarterback have to function as one entity in order to allow a smooth and seamless transition of the ball from one to the other. In the game of football, this is as close as I can get to what Chrissy and I experienced with the birth of Daniel.
Before Daniel was born Chrissy expressed her desire for us to remain connected through the entire birth process. I knew what she wanted, and I knew that the only obstacle to making our goal a reality was me. If I’m being honest, I had always been a little jealous of those guys who were brave enough to blatantly disregard other’s perception of them and become fully engaged with their spouse during the birth of their children. I had not previously done so because I was scared. Scared of what? I’m asking myself that question right now as I write this. Scared that I would look silly; scared that I would make a mistake; scared that I wouldn’t fully connect with my wife if I did try…I think deep down these are all reasons. However, there was no fear 5 days ago. It was magical, it was intimate, and it was absolutely miraculous. We stayed connected through the entire process and we shared the experience as though we were one person. I had no idea such a thing was possible, but now I know that it is.
Here are 3 Things I’ve Learned Since the birth of Our first Child:
1. Be Present
Don’t think about who’s in the room, food, sports, or what you’re doing later. Focus on NOW! You don’t get many of these moments, and the only way to fully experience this is to live it while it happens. Take a moment to observe the room, your wife, your breathing, her breathing, everything that’s happening now. Being present will be a tremendous help to the entire process. When someone we care about deeply loses a loved one, there is nothing we can say or do that can make any difference at all except being present for them. Our love and presence is all we really have to give. Isn’t it interesting that our presence alone can make a huge difference when a life comes into this world as well?
2. Relinquish Control
You’re mate is the all-time quarterback in this game, and God is calling the plays. You cannot control the situation. It takes us guys a while to get used to that. A successful birth requires a setting of no resistance because it’s a natural process. Standing over a flower will not make it blossom, and being in a state of non-acceptance will not make a positive difference in the birth of your child. Full acceptance, however, does invite serenity and can make a profound impact on your spouse and the setting in general…plus it just feels better.
3. Make her Feel Beautiful, Because She is
Motherhood is a divine calling and birthing can bring out the divinity in a woman. You can help her embrace that divinity by supporting her physically, emotionally, and spiritually throughout the process. Messaging, kissing, holding, encouraging, engaging, breathing together, connecting, these are all things a man can do to support his wife on all levels.
I need to take a moment to thank God, my wonderful wife Chrissy, and our amazing midwife Nancy for this wonderful experience we’ve shared together and will never forget. Chrissy and I are changed forever and I’m totally exited to see what the future holds for our family. As people we can change, we can evolve to higher levels of consciousness, and we can use grand events in our lives to help take us to the next level. But regardless of what happens, I think I'll leave the quarterbacking to my wife:)
Please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings below. Thanks!
5 Keys to Discovering Our Natural State of Happiness
Here’s a bold statement for you:
Regardless of what you achieve, how much stuff you accumulate, or how well people regard you, you will never obtain happiness in this life.
Sound pessimistic? Quite the contrary…..this may be the most optimistic thing you’ve read in quite a while.
You see, to obtain happiness implies that it is something that exists outside of our self. The reality is that happiness already exists within us and is very much part of our natural state of being. In fact, the only place happiness can be found is inside of ourselves. This happiness can be discovered, uncovered, or exposed, but it cannot be obtained because it’s impossible to obtain that which you already have. To see the world in this way is transformational. Let’s take a closer look….shall we?
Here are 5 Keys to Discovering our Natural State of Happiness
1. You Don’t need a Reason to be Happy
In his book “The Power of Intention” Wayne Dyer makes a wonderful point about babies. He states that despite the fact that they are bald, chubby, and toothless they continue to be in a natural state of happiness. They crawl around, eat everything they get their hands on, poop in their pants, and just laugh and smile. Their only concern is growing, expanding, and being blissful. What can we learn from them?
We do not need a reason to be happy!
Happiness is our natural state. Each of us is born with this great treasure, and when we are new to the world its luster consumes our attention. However, as we become accustomed to living in the world, we cover our treasure with layer upon layer of silt and sediment until it becomes buried beneath the surface of our being. And sadly enough, most of us forget we ever had it. Take a moment to observe a baby. Watch as the radiance of their treasure shines and remember that you were once also in that natural state of being, without the need of any reason to be happy.
2. Nothing You Achieve can ever Make You Happy
The irony of our lives is that it’s just as we pat down the final layer of earth that conceals our treasure that we begin a life of treasure hunting. Many people spend their entire lives seeking that which they already have. Happiness cannot be found in things. We know this intellectually, but take a moment to reflect on just how often, even on a subconscious level, we expect to acquire some degree of happiness from a source outside of ourselves. The same is true of our achievements or the accolades we receive from others. How many times have you thought you’ve finally unearthed your buried treasure only to discover a hollow chest void of any real value?
I often look for a pen or pencil for minutes only to discover that it’s behind my ear. I always get a good chuckle when I realize what I’ve done. I could not see it because wherever I turned my head, it turned with me and remained just out of sight. The same is true with our treasure of happiness. It will always remain out of sight so long as we seek it outside of ourselves. If I had only taken a moment to pause and reflect on the situation I would have felt the pen behind my ear and my insane quest would have ended. Let’s pause and reflect on the inanity of our lives. Are we on a quest destined for disappointment?
3. Your Failures cannot Make Your Unhappy
The great news is that if we cannot find happiness outside of ourselves, then the inverse must also be true: Unhappiness cannot originate from outside of ourselves either.
This one perspective alone is liberating. If we fail financially, if we lose the respect important people, if a project falls apart, if someone we depend on lets us down…..these things do not obligate us to be unhappy. In fact, they are completely powerless to do so. These are only layers of silt. We need to keep our broom handy and constantly sweep these happiness distracters off of our shining treasure.
4. Problems are an Illusion
What is a problem? The common answer is that it is something that goes wrong in our lives. The reality is that a problem is nothing more than a thought. Where do thoughts exist? Who creates thoughts?
They only exist in our brain and we are the one that create them.
So the question is: Why make it into a problem? Does defining it as so help anything?
The problem with problems is that we build identities around them and they influence the way we see the world. We when we create problems we become victims. This means we are no longer responsible for our lives.
So what am I saying? To pretend problems don’t exist? To pretend that everything’s peachy when it’s not?
That’s not what I’m saying at all. When something in our lives doesn’t go the way we want, we have several choices:
1. To take action in order to reach a resolution
2. Accept what has happened
3. Label it as a problem and begin an inner dialogue how much it stinks!
We all do #3 but what good does it do? None, we don’t need it and are much more effective without it!
How is this relevant to happiness? If you are focused on your problems what are you not focused on?
It is impossible to be in a natural state of happiness and be consumed by problems at the same time. However, it is possible to have things go wrong in your life and remain in happiness if you do not label them as problems. They are an illusion.
5. Remember the Source of Our Happiness
We are not the makers of our treasure. We did not place it inside ourselves. God is the source of all happiness. The reason that happiness resides within us is because He resides within us. Babies are so blissful because they remain in close connection with Him. To the degree that we can remove the layers of silt and dirt that lie between us and Him we will discover the happiness that he has already blessed us with in this life.
As we go forth over the following days let’s set a goal to reflect on our natural state of happiness. As we begin to get caught up in the things of the world, let’s remember that they can neither add nor detract from our true selves. As things happen that are contrary to our will, let’s deal with them in the best possible way without making them into problems. If we do this we will be in closer to God and it will have a direct influence on our happiness and the happiness of others.
Thanks for your time. Thoughts and Comments welcome as always.
Stress Management: 4 Steps to Eliminating Resistance from Your Life
Let’s talk about stress ba-by
Let’s talk about you-and-me
Let’s talk about all the good things, and the bad things that may be.
Let’s talk about stress
Remember that song?….I hope so, otherwise I’ve probably already lost you.
Anyway, we need to talk about stress; specifically the negative form of stress known as distress.
Take a moment to reflect on the past 24 hours of your life. What stressors did you encounter?
Surely there was something that happened within the past day that didn’t go the way you wanted: your computer locked up, you were running late, a traffic jam, an argument with someone, an illness, your dog’s wireless fence stopped working and she chased you down the road causing you to turn around, catch her, and put her in her kennel (not that that’s ever happened to meJ).
If you had a “normal” day, chances are good that you encountered multiple stressors; but for the purpose of this article, let’s choose one and take a moment to reflect on it.
Question: How did you respond to this event in your life?
Think about the feelings that arose in you while the event was happening. Make a mental list the emotions you were having. How did you respond?
There are really only two answers: with acceptance or with resistance.
It’s already obvious that you (and I) responded with resistance. Otherwise, it would not have been stressful…..right?
Question: How did choosing to respond with resistance change the outcome?
Did getting frustrated in the traffic jam miraculously cause traffic to start moving? Did yelling at your computer correct the problem? Did becoming angry while reflecting on an argument with someone help anything at all? Did becoming impatient with my dog situation make the invisible fence begin to work?
Isn’t it ridiculous to think that responding with resistance will miraculously make the problem go away?
Question: Could you have chosen to respond differently?
Do you believe that you could have chosen a different response? I’m here to tell you that you could have. It IS possible to choose your response to literally any situation. Free will is one of several unique human endowments given to us by God that separate us from the lower animals who can only respond based on instinct alone. Our animal instinct would have us respond to a traffic jam with frustration, anger, and rage, but it does not have to be so. We can choose differently, we can choose acceptance.
Question: How much of our stress is self-imposed?
If you buy in to the fact that we can choose our response, and if responding to a situation with resistance is the definition of stress, then doesn’t that make all of the stress that we experience self-imposed. Stress is a choice. Inner peace, the opposite of stress, is also a choice. Which will you choose this day?
Here are 4 Steps to Choosing Acceptance over Resistance in Our Lives
Step 1: Understand that you Have a Choice
You and God are the co-creators of your life. He has given you the power to choose your response to literally any situation. Knowing this on a spiritual and emotional level is the first step to taking full responsibility for your life and becoming truly empowered to create your own destiny.
Step 2: Be the Observer of Your Feelings
Once you understand that you are in the driver’s seat of your life, start paying attention to your emotions and how they affect the decisions you make. Come to a knowledge that you are separate from your feelings and it is you, not they, which dictate your response to any stimulus. Observe them, get to know them, and ultimately become master over them. In doing so you will become even more empowered to choose acceptance over resistance.
Step 3: Choose Acceptance over Resistance
Know you understand that you have the power to choose, you understand the forces inside you that affect that choice, now it’s time to simply make the choice of no resistance. Imagine how serene it would feel to run late for an important meeting, to be stuck in traffic, to have your computer crash, and to still choose inner peace over inner turmoil. It’s as simple as making a choice, a choice to drop resistance like a sack of bricks. It’s possible…but you already know that.
Step 4: Reflect and Learn from Every Experience
As you practice this in your life, reflect on your “successes” and your “failures”. I put these terms in quotes because to learn from an experience actually transforms the failure into success. It is critical to always be the observer. Watch from outside yourself, as you make decisions record mental notes so as to be in a state of constant learning and development. Doing this will elevate your consciousness and further empower you to choose no resistance in the future.
It's just as useless to resist the waves of our lives as it is the waves of the Sea.
It's just as useless to resist the waves of our lives as it is the waves of the Sea.
Acceptance vs. Inaction
One closing thought. A common misconception is that choosing acceptance to a situation is synonymous with a mental condition of powerlessness. This is not true. As you sit in the traffic jam, you accept that reality at that moment with no resistance. However, as you sit in tranquility you ponder what other route you could take (how you could change the situation) and you take every possible action to keep it from happening again. In other words, you focus your positive energy on the things you can positively affect, but you do not waste time or energy focusing on the things you cannot change.
What is the most common stressor you encounter? How would it affect your life if the stress from this one source were instantly removed?
The 3 Most Difficult Things for Human Beings to Master- Videos
It has been said that the three most difficult things for any person to do are.......well we won't go there yet.
But let's just say that as difficult as what's in the video below is to accomplish, it didn't make the top three:
And as wicked cool as the dude in the video below is, his skills don't even register on the difficulty scale of the human feats we're talking about:
This looks a little tougher, but still not one of the three most difficult tasks for a person to master.
Ok, enough teasing! As difficult to master as the above human achievements are, their difficulty pales in comparison with the following 3 Human Accomplishments:
1. To Give Love in Response to Hate
2. Standing up for those who are not present.
3. Admitting when you have made a mistake or when you need to change.
Think of how you apply (or don't apply) these core behaviors in your life:
- Do you respond with kindness when someone won't let you merge lanes in traffic?
- Do you defend a friend or loved one when someone dogs them in their absence?
- Do you live in a state of constant self-assessment; willing to make any adjustments to bring your intentions in alignment with God's?
If you can answer "Yes" to any of those questions then congratulations, you've done something more difficult than breaking the world bench press record, beat-boxing on a national level, and balancing the weight of your entire body on the tip of your index finger!
The most amazing aspect of this is that the power to accomplish any of these three tasks lies within every single person on this planet. You do not have to have superior genetics to respond with love, you do not have to have super human strength to stand up for your friends, and you do not have to be an enlightened spiritual guru to make the necessary changes in your life.
The ability to master any of these three tasks is as simple as making a decision; a decision to do it. God has endowed each of us with a free will; the ability to chose for ourselves what we are to do in this life. It is in the mastering of this will, in the mastering of ourselves, that we can give all we really have to offer God. I'm sure He appreciates good beat-boxing like anyone else, but something tells me He'd rather we focus on smiling at the guy who just cut us off in traffic.
What say ye? Comments welcome as always:)
3 Essential Steps to Making a ‘High-Speed’ Connection with God
What forces stress the connection between you and God?
Have you ever been stuck using a computer with dial-up internet after being spoiled by a lightning fast high-speed connection?
Talk about a trial of patience!
What’s really frustrating is that sometimes my connection with God seems to be stuck on ‘dial-up’....and frankly, sometimes my spiritual internet seems to be down all together.
What can we do on these ‘dial-up’ days? The following are 3 steps to help establish a 'high-speed' connection with God.
3 Steps to making a Better Connection with God:
Step 1: Close the ‘Programs’ of the Mind
Think of our mind as a computer. What happens to a computer when too many programs run at once? We’ve all had it happen…..it crashes right? The same is true with the programs of our mind. They serve a purpose, but when these programs, or thoughts, are running they inhibit our ability to connect with God.
It’s time to click the red “X” at the top-right of the screen and close those suckers out!
- that song stuck in the back of your head……gone!
- the things on today’s ‘to-do’ list…..see ya!
- what happened on the TV show last night…..bye-bye!
But How do we Quiet the Mind?
Be the school master:
Did you ever have an experience in school where you were fully engaged in conversation with a buddy during a lesson and you look up to find the teacher and the rest of the class staring at you? What did you do? Probably exactly what I did…..you shut up! Be the teacher of your mind. But don’t scold the students (your thoughts) when they are out of line. In fact, don’t even judge them….simply observe. That teacher staring at me directly in the face had more of an impact than anything else she could have said or done. This first step is essential because a conscious connection with God can only occur through the spirit, not the mind which we’ve grown to rely on so heavily.
Step Two: Click the Spiritual “Connect” Button
Now that we’ve closed the ‘programs’ of the mind, it’s time to make the connection.
I love the account of Elijah the prophet in 1 Kings 19: 11-12 as he withdraws into the wilderness to commune with God:
“….And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. “
Notice that it was only after the noise was quieted that Elijah made the connection with God.
Think of the brilliant words used to describe the communication of God to Elijah: “still small voice”
His connection with God came through stillness. Our spiritual “Connect” button is this stillness, which is the space between the wind, earthquakes, and fires of our lives. To make conscious connection with God we must discover this tranquil place despite the distractions of life…and go into it. It is in this stillness that we commune with God and how we “Connect” with Him.
What is truly fascinating about this connection is that we do not have to go to a mountain retreat like Elijah to make this connection. I wrote about an experience I had in a recent blog post that occurred during what would have otherwise been a stressful situation. A connection with God can literally occur any time or anywhere.
Step Three: Focus on the Connection
One of the biggest mistakes I make when connecting with God is to focus on the ‘data’ that I’m ‘uploading’ to God rather than on the connection.
The spiritual upload I’m talking about here is what I’m saying to God….the actual language I use during a prayer. The problem is that I sometimes spit out words with absolutely no meaning. Have you ever heard someone accidently bless the food in a night-time prayer….my kids do it all the time, and I’ve caught myself about to do it as well. To focus on the words of a prayer, or better stated, to feel that the words ARE the substance of the prayer is all wrong! The substance of the prayer or meditation is the connection with God, not the language we may use. If we are truly in unison with Him, our deepest and most heart-felt feelings will emerge as a natural result of the connection.
As we move forward with our lives, let’s focus on quieting our mind and listening to the still small voice. I have found that my life is so much easier when I have a conscious connection with our loving Heavenly Father. My toughest days are definitely the ones where I'm on spiritual dial-up.
Comments welcome as always!
3 Lies We tell Ourselves Every Day…..and Why Most People Believe Them!
Do you have a need for drama in your life?
We have all been lied to at some point in our lives. Not a pleasant experience….to be deceived.
As it turns out, we all lie to ourselves every single day….and the crazy thing is that most of us buy it!
Regardless of whether we believe these lies originate internally from the mind, or externally from some evil force, the reality is that there is something that manifests itself within us that attempts to place blinders on our spiritual eyes and keep us from seeing our divine nature. This ego, which is what we’ll call it for now, creates perpetual noise within our mind to distract us from feeling close to God. Think of ourselves as a stereo system with God being the only true frequency in existence. The ego emits false radio signals in the form of lies and deceit to prevent us from tuning into God.
Here are 3 Lies My Ego Tells me Every Single Day:
Lie #1: My Life is a Soap Opera
Could you imagine a soap opera without some form of intense drama……..someone being offended, cheated on, abused, etc? The viewers would ask, ‘why the heck am I watching this, it’s just as boring as my life?’ The writers of soap operas are just like our ego……their purpose is to create drama out of thin air.
Why do we create drama in our lives?
Drama fulfills the egos need to be separate from everyone and everything else. For example, think of how we feel when we are offended by someone: isolated, misunderstood, alone, etc. And what follows but more isolation in the form of resentment and anger that persists into the future. The ego is getting what it wants: to feel special. To survive, it has to be different, alone, and distinguished from all other forms. Although these feelings may seem satisfying in some strange way, they ultimately lead to suffering.
Seeing Our Life vs Our Life Situation
The key to ending life’s drama is found in our perspective…..an eternal perspective. To rid ourselves of self-inflicted drama we must have the ability to differentiate between our life, or our divine nature, and our life situation which is simply our circumstances. Many people are incapable of distinguishing between the two and therefore build a self-identity around their problems. But here’s the thing: we are not our problems. Problems are temporary, we are eternal. Problems are on the surface, but the essence of who we are is much deeper. To confuse the two would be like defining the ocean by the waves and ripples on the surface. The wonders of the ocean were only discovered when mankind was daring enough to dive into its depths; we then realized that it was more dynamic and abundant than the dry land we considered our home. The same is true with our lives. The ego would have us focus on the dramatic waves of our life situation, however just as with the ocean, the disturbance only occurs on the surface……there are miles of stillness beneath.
Lie #2: I Will Be Happier Tomorrow, Next Month, or Next Year
Here’s the thing: it’s impossible to find true joy in the future. I like to use the buffet analogy (I think of everything in terms of food.)
Here’s how my brain works when I’m at a buffet:
The first thing I do upon arrival is plan my first plate. But when fixing said plate, I’m in a hurry to sit down and begin the feast. But as soon as I sit down to eat, I begin thinking about the composition of the second plate…..and so on. Three empty plates later I find myself stuffed full of food I never focused on eating! Is this not the definition of insanity?
Many of us Lead Entire Lives of this Insanity
If all of our focus is consumed by the future, we are never fully present and therefore miss life! Our ego would have us wait for happiness in the form of the coming weekend, next month’s vacation, or when the house is paid off in ten years, so we can never find true happiness now….which is the only place it actually is.
Have you ever actually taken time to smell the roses?
I don’t mean figuratively, I mean literally taken several minutes to do nothing but admire the appearance and fragrance of a rose. This is the meaning of the cliché right? I did this the other day. As I sat in my kitchen in awe of a beautiful red rose, I had no problems, I had no thoughts of finding happiness right around the next corner…..I had everything I needed in that moment. I can have it now, and so can you.
Lie #3: I am Defined by My Accomplishments
My ego would have me believe that my value as a person is determined by external factors. Some of these metrics of “success” include large scale things such as the success of my business, my work in the community, how my children do in life, the accolades and recognition I accumulate, and so on. The ego would also have me believe that small things such having an idea accepted or winning an argument also adds or detracts from my value as a person.
Lies…..all lies!
The ego understands that the more value we place on our true divine nature, the closer we become to God. So the ego does all it can to turn our attention to external sources of value. It would have us build our identity around our accomplishments instead of around our true nature. Deep down we all know that true peace and joy cannot be obtained through external sources, it can only be found through a conscious connection with God who created and sustains us.
How do we Stop the Lies?
We can’t! But that’s alright, because they don’t need to stop. We simply have to stop believing them.
Here’s how:
1. The first step is to understand that you are being lied to on a daily basis. That there is such a thing as the ego and it does lie to you.
2. The second step is to recognize the lies of the ego as they are being told to you.
3. The third step is to simply observe the ego as it interacts with you in your life. Do not judge it, do not become angry with it….simply watch it. Even smile at it, accept that it is there. To do so forces awareness of it, and by so doing, it becomes impossible to confuse yourself with it. Just as shining light into a dark room eliminates darkness, so too does shining the light of our awareness on the darkness of the ego cause it to shrink.
4. Maintain conscious connection with God through prayer and meditation.
I’m finding that a greater understanding of my ego gives me a deeper perspective on life. As I go through my daily routines I find that although I sometimes allow myself to be deceived, many times I see the ego coming a mile away and chuckle at the insane thoughts it tries to place in my mind. As I do this I become closer to God.
What say you?
What if Life is a Song?: Composing the Melody of Our Divine Purpose
If we take time to relax and listen, we will bring ourselves into harmony with God.
I was riding down the road this morning listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer and he made a wonderful observation about living life to the fullest. He said, “Don’t die with your music still in you.”
What a wonderful admonition. As I pondered this, I began thinking about how our life is like a song, and how important it is that the music of our lives is in harmony with the will of God.
Here are 5 Ways to Compose the Music of a Fulfilling Life:
1. Be in Tune
I’m a novice guitar player, but at the young age of 12 I quickly learned that it didn’t matter how well I played the instrument if it was out of tune. The same is true with us. Our natural gifts and abilities cannot be fully utilized if we are not in tune with the Source from which those gifts emanate. One of the most wonderful blessings of this life is that we have the ability to do spiritual ‘tuning’. We can tweak the keys of our spiritual instruments and bring them into harmony with the Almighty. He has even provided a spiritual tuning fork in the form of the Holy Spirit that makes it clear to us when we are off key and require adjustment. Just as the concert musician tunes the instrument before a performance, so too is being in tune with God the most fundamental step one can take toward living a fulfilling life.
2. Choose the right instrument
We all have natural strengths and weaknesses. Regardless of how hard I tried, I could never learn to play the flute on a professional level. I’m a bulky, large framed guy and I’m simply to dang awkward to play an instrument that requires such finesse. If I wanted to become a concert musician I would need to find and instrument that was more compatible with my natural abilities like a stand-up bass, or even a tuba….heaven forbid! It’s easy to look out at others, see their success, and attempt to emulate them. However, this is not necessarily God’s plan. Imagine a symphony orchestra with only flutists…that doesn’t sound too appealing. It's the congruency of all of the instruments in the orchestra that creates the moving influence on the listener. Let’s make the effort to insure we are wielding the instrument God intends us to play.
3. Don’t try to Play Solo
God does not intend you to be a solo artist. If you feel otherwise, take a moment to consider what we take with us when we leave this life. We come in with nothing and we leave with nothing….no-thing. We leave our ‘stuff’ and our accomplishments behind. All we can take with us is what we have learned and the relationships that we’ve established. In fact, it’s been my experience that the greatest blessings of this life occur when they are shared with others. Center stage is over-rated. Regardless of our talent and ambition, let’s make sure to share the best things this life has to offer with others.
4. Practice until your Spiritual Fingers bleed
I remember when I first began playing guitar how incredibly sore my fingers were. I can still remember the pain in my left hand as I forced myself to pick up the guitar and continue to practice despite the fact that my finger tips were on fire. Spiritually, we are the same. It is very difficult to begin to change our lives for the better. Initially, it causes acute pain. But as we continue to pick up our instrument and practice, our spiritual muscles begin to memorize the movements, our emotional fingers adapt and become tougher, and playing the true song of our life becomes second nature. I remember the first time I picked the guitar up and simply played a song without even thinking about it. At that point I knew it had become habit and the long painful practice was paying off. Let’s work to achieve this on a spiritual level; to get to a point where following God is such a part of our nature that we are not able to discern His will from our own.
5. Write you Own Music
The song of your life does not belong on Top 40 radio. Music created for the ‘main stream’ audience is stripped of originality and creativity. The same applies to the song of our lives. Our Heavenly Father would have us compose music that is uniquely our own. In fact, I would say that it’s impossible for two people who are genuinely following God to create the same song. This is how unique and special we are! To live our lives focused on the acceptance of others, or in other words writing a song based on the reactions of the audience, simply strips us of our divine purpose. Digging deep and finding this purpose will ultimately mean finding God, and through this, others will inevitably be touched. "Seek the world and all is lost, seek God and you have the world thrown in", as C.S. Lewis puts it.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, we are all composing a song in this life. To bring our lives into harmony with God is to compose a melody that will bring peace and joy into our life as well as the lives of others.
I’ll have to admit, I’m actually metal head at heart. I’m wondering into what genre of music my life’s song would belong: classical, jazz, classic rock, r and b? How about you?
Please feel free to comment below.
The Law of Attraction, an Abundance Mentality, and How a Stack of Coupons Changed my Life!
- What is keeping unlimited blessings from flowing into your life?
Tonight I had a profound experience…in a grocery store of all places.
I was checking out of the “express” line on my way home from work. I held in my hands a 2 pound salad, custom made by yours truly, and I somehow managed to fit it into a 1 pound container….but that’s just how I roll.
Anyway, it was about 8:00 at night and I was about an hour and a half from home. I realized this around the same time that I noticed that the lady in front of me had slightly exceeded the 15 item limit by roughly a dozen items, plus the line was barely even moving! This is where it gets interesting.
A New and Surprising Reaction
Several weeks ago I would have harbored some negative feelings, grumbled a bit, and probably looked at the clock every 30 seconds trying to expedite the situation through the sheer power of my will…….But not tonight.
Tonight I was overwhelmed by one single feeling; and it’ the same emotion that’s filled my soul over the past week: a feeling of gratitude and deep appreciation.
As I stood there in line I was fully present and conscious; everything seemed to move in slow motion. I felt intense gratitude for all of my surroundings and saw that literally everything was a blessing. I was grateful for all of the people around me. As I watched them, I could see the good in them. I looked around the store. I noticed things I’ve never taken the time to see before: flags hanging from the ceiling, management bustling in the back rooms, the flow of people in and out of the store. I stood there in awe. I was grateful to live in a place where I could walk into a building, fill a basket, and walk out with an abundance of food. A quote from Rumi came to mind, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.” I was indeed bewildered.
As we advanced in line and my mathematically challenged buddy was checking out, she broke out the biggest stack of a stack of coupons I had ever seen. It literally took longer to scan every coupon than it did all of her items. As the cashier scanned each one I smiled. All I could feel was empathy and appreciation for this hard working mom. Just one week ago I would have stood impatiently as more and more frustration mounted with every ‘beep’ of the scanner. Now every beep was a blessing.
As the last coupon was scanned there was a discrepancy requiring the attention of a manager which resulted in another long delay. The lady, who had already been uncomfortable taking so long, looked at me and said “I am so sorry”.
I had hoped for this opportunity and immediately said, “Please don’t apologize. I can tell you put a lot of hard work into this and I am so happy that you are able to save this money.”
I may have said something similar a few weeks ago….who knows? But now I felt it through my entire body. I could see her in my mind, balancing her checkbook and determining that she would do whatever it took to save money and help her family. I could see her sitting at the kitchen table shuffling through newspapers, clipping coupons, and planning this trip to the grocery store. I could see her walking down the aisles, carefully selecting the pre-planned items.
She was not some ‘thing’ standing in front of me in line, some obstacle placed between me and what I wanted. She was a person with real purpose, real intention, and of real value. I could see how this person, myself, and everyone else in the store were somehow connected.
The Epiphany: A True understanding of the Law of Attraction
I have been studying the Law of Attraction for years, but it wasn’t until last week that I finally ‘got it’. The law of attraction basically states that a person will attract the same types of energy that they emit. If you’re kind to people, then people will generally be kind to you in return…and vice versa. It revolves around the notion of karma and I happen to believe it to be a true principle and in complete agreement with Christianity (but that’s another article).
I had always understood the concept of doing good and getting good in return, but the real epiphany came last week as I studied Wayne Dyers book “The Power of Intention”. I discovered that the Law of Attraction applied as much to our focus as our actions. In my case, I had been focusing on some things (all good things) that I wanted in my life but had not yet achieved. This led to weeks of frustration and a general feeling of discontent; to the point that I even wrote about this it in a previous blog post. What I came to understand was that if you attract whatever remains in your focus, and you focus on what you do not have, then what you attract is more of what you do not have. This may sound trivial, but it literally changed my life and led to the experience in the grocery store as well as many others over the past few days. My focus shifted from the things that I wanted to the things that I already have and will have. I basically transitioned from a scarcity mentality to an abundance mentality.
Scarcity Mentality vs. Abundance Mentality
These are essentially the only two ways to see the world.
Seeing the world through the lens of abundance means that there are no limits to life, you see the good in everything, the glass is half full, the pie is huge and constantly growing so you’re happy to share as much of it as you can. It produces gratitude, peace, and yes, even prosperity. It emanates from our true selves and ultimately comes from God. It focuses on what we have and what we will achieve.
The scarcity mentality is the exact opposite. In this perspective there is never enough, things could always be better, the glass is half empty, I won’t share the pie because it’s too dang small and I want mine! It is ego driven and focuses on the things we do not have.
Now, with that said, anyone will tell you that I have always been a very optimistic person; very willing to share the pie and even give you my half full glass of milk! However, I was guilty of having a scarcity mentality with regards to fulfilling my life’s mission. My thoughts revolved around the aspects of it I didn’t have. When the epiphany came, I immediately let it all go. I was just grateful for life. I could breathe, smell, touch, taste, and enjoy my family and friends. My heart was beating and this was enough. I was complete with no strings attached. What immediately happened was amazing. I found that as I focused on what I had, God gave me even more to be grateful for.
I discovered that the only thing between me and my mission was…..me! Ironically, I was the sole architect in fabricating the barriers between what I had and what I wanted. As soon as I embraced an abundance mentality with regards to my life mission the miracle began to happen and the same can happen for you.
Here are 6 Quick Tips for Attracting Abundance into Your Life
The ability to attract success rests in your hands!
1. Be Grateful
Gratitude puts you in a humble state of mind. There is always something to be grateful for. Find the life under your life situation. You are not your circumstances, your body, or even your mind. The essence of who you are is a miraculous. Acknowledge this and thank your Father in Heaven for it. If you think otherwise, then that is exactly what will manifest itself in your life….more to be ungrateful for.
2. Refuse to Focus on the Negative
There is always something to complain about. Imagine you could choose to go anywhere in the world with whoever you like for as long as you wanted. As soon as you were there, your mind would still find something wrong…..the peeled grapes would be soggy….you get the point. Shut this out of your mind because it only brings pain and suffering, which in turn attracts….you, got it, more pain.
3. Deny Your Ego
Your ego is essentially your self identity. It’s the 3 year old kid inside you that screams “MINE!” It tries to convince you that happiness is everywhere except where you are now. It tries to convince you that you are isolated and separate from everyone else. It tries to convince you that it is you. It feeds on pain. Separate yourself from it, observe it, and deny its promptings. It screams “scarcity, scarcity, scarcity!” Laugh at it, put it aside, and choose abundance.
4. Be Present
The key to any spiritual success is quieting the mind. Take notice of your surroundings. Take notice of your breathing, your pulse, nature, background sounds. Don’t judge them, just observe them. This is the beginning of gratitude. Pretend past and future do not exist. All you have is the present moment. God exists outside of time and if you can periodically remove yourself from the burden of time it will only bring you closer to him.
5. Be in a State of Perpetual Prayer
Communication with God is essential. Be open to promptings that He sends you, they happen for a reason. I always think of this when I look at my Blackberry. It has two arrows, one representing when information is being sent ‘up’ and another for when it is sent ‘down’. Let’s be sure to do at least as much downloading as we do uploading to God.
6. Do Good continually and expect nothing in return
Christ taught the golden rule of human relations. He taught not only to love others as ourselves, but that to serve them is to serve God. As we do this expecting nothing in return, we will find an abundance of peace, joy, and many other blessings flow into our lives.
I am grateful for the knowledge that God gives us line upon line and precept upon precept. I have found The Law of Attraction to be a true principle, both for better and for worse. I know that as we focus on the blessings we have, share all that we have, and see ourselves as we ultimately wish ourselves to be, God will bless us beyond measure. I’ll never look at a sheet of coupons the same again!
As always comments are welcome and appreciated.
5 Inspiring Thoughts to Brighten Your Day: Courtesy of Mother Teresa
Looks like she's having a pretty good day.....huh?
1. “Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.”
Today, let’s keep an eye out for some low hanging “fruit”. Go out of your way to hold the door for someone. Let someone ahead of you in traffic. Give an intentional smile to someone who needs it. Let’s seek someone to serve. Let’s sow seeds of love….let’s do it today.
2. “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
Let’s give part of ourselves away today….the things we most treasure. Freely give all credit for an accomplishment to others. Freely accept all blame for a situation. Take all possible discomforts upon yourself to increase the happiness of those around you. Be the last to begin eating, be the first up to do the dishes. Give a back message while your back is killing you. Sacrifice yourself for others in every possible way today…..see what happens.
3. “If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.”
Christ taught the principle of the 99 and the 1. Every soul is precious in the sight of God. The worst thing we can do today is feel that we can’t make a difference. Let’s set a goal right now to touch at least one person in a positive way today. I promise you that it will happen, and the effects will be profound.
4. “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
Nothing will keep you further from happiness today then judging others. It literally sucks the life and energy from you as well as those around you. Remove this negative energy from yourself today, and fill the void with compassion and a genuine desire to serve others. Seek out those you are most inclined to stand in judgment of and make their happiness your priority. Pray for help, and then make it happen. You’ll be amazed at the results. Don’t wait for tomorrow…..do it today!
5. “Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.”
Matthew 25 is the mantra of my life: “What you have done unto the least of these my bretheren you have done it unto me.”, Christ taught. Take this teaching literally. Sense the love and appreciation you have for Jesus Christ and project it onto others. This is a life changing paradigm because it changes the lens through which you see the entire world. Every person in every situation is Christ. Imagine smiling at Him, letting Him in front of you in line at the grocery store, giving Him money, or a job, or even a hug. I have written of my own personal experiences living this principle and simply can’t say enough about the happiness and peace that it has brought into my life.
I have gratitude for the life of Mother Teresa; for her words, and for her inspiring life which was the embodiment of selfless service. Let’s all be inspired to make a difference today. A line from one of my kid’s favorite movies just came to mind, “yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift….that’s why it’s called the ‘present’”. Let’s make today count!
Comments are welcome and appreciated as always. God Bless!
7 Really Bizarre Things Christians have in common with Caterpillars
As we look into Nature, the patterns that God has set forth for mankind also become obvious.
One of the things I most enjoy is drawing parallels between man’s relationship with God and the rest of His creation. As weird as this may seem, books could be written (and probably have) on the similarities between the development that occurs in the life of a Christian and the life cycle of insects. Turns out we can learn a lot from these little critters. Well, I’m no biologist, so bare with me if some of my bug lingo isn’t perfect, but I think a quick study of this topic would be fun and may even provide some insights that strengthen our faith. Each of these 7 similarities between Christians and Caterpillars draws from resources about insects I found on the web. The quotes all come from an awesome site, Gordon’s Insect Life-Cycle’s Page,…..so thanks so much Gordon for the great content.
So without further ado, here are 7 Really Bizarre Things Christians have in common with Caterpillars:
1. Christians and Insects Develop in Natural Cycles
The development of a monarch butterfly (which will be the example for our entire study), is as follows:
The Life Cycle of the monarch butterfly:
Egg > Larva (caterpillar) > Pupa (cocoon/chrysalis) > Emerges as Butterfly
The Christian develops in a similar way:
Birth of Natural man > Flawed Man finds God > Man is Sanctified > Man emerges new creature
2. Christians and Caterpillars both have Imaginal Buds
What in the world is an imaginal bud?
“….in a number of places in the insects body are collections of special formative cells, which have played no part in the insects larval life, and have stayed hidden,…..each of these groups of cells is called an 'imaginal bud' or a 'histoblast'”
“The job of these histoblasts is to supervise the building of a new body [from] the old larval body [while inside the chrysalis]. This they do using the same biochemical processes that all insects use to turn their food into part of their bodies. This rebuilding process is called 'histogenesis'.”
So imagine Mr. Caterpillar crawling around with these lumps on his belly.
“What the heck are these things for?” is he probably asks himself. Little does he know that these ‘lumps’, even though slightly inconvenient, are the tools that God has given him to make it possible to fulfill the measure of his creation.
I believe Christians have imaginal buds too.
These are the qualities of our personality that we may have considered “in the way”, but were given to us by God to allow us fulfill the measure of our creation. When we find God, he destroys our carnal nature (if we allow him), and what remains are our ‘imaginal buds’ which are ultimately our core personality traits. Those qualities that make us unique, and have previously lain dormant or haven’t been fully optimized to accomplish God’s will. As we transform, God causes these deepest parts of our personality blossom allowing us to fulfill our own unique mission in life.
While growing up, for example, I was especially quiet and introspective, especially in public or around people I didn’t know. As I became older and I tried to overcome the fear of speaking out, this became a huge hindrance to my personal development. After years of working on this, I can now see that those characteristics that I most despised, actually give me a unique perspective on life that allow me to serve God in ways that would otherwise be impossible.
Probably the best example of this is the apostle Paul. Dude had some mad ‘imaginal buds’! Look at the personal traits he put to work for God after his ‘change’ occurred.
What ‘imaginal buds’ do you have that are still lying dormant?
3. Neither Christians or Caterpillars really Understand what they are to Become
Do you think a caterpillar really understands what he is destined to become?
I don’t, and I don’t know if it’s possible as Christians to fully understand what we are to become either. The caterpillar knows one thing: move and eat (now that’s something I can relate to!). A butterfly could land right beside him, and my guess is that he would have no concept that he would eventually become like that beautiful creature.
As Christians, we are aware that a transformation has occurred and will continue to take place, but we don’t have the advantage of seeing anyone who has completed the process. We have word that there was one who made the total transformation, but we’ll have to wait to meet Him face to face. In the mean time……we’ll just move and eat.
The important point is that we have to be careful not to underestimate our potential. We can’t forget that it is God’s plan for each of us to make a total transformation into a beautiful creature, regardless of hideous we believe ourselves to be at our current phase of the process.
Do you need encouragement on the days you're fighting your inner caterpillar?
4. Both Christians and Caterpillars are extremely vulnerable
The pupa phase is the period when the insect is undergoing the metamorphosis inside the chrysalis:
“During this time the insect is very vulnerable because it cannot run away, and this is why insects try to choose somewhere safe to hide away in when they are going through this incredible change,”
This reminded me of the phase of my life as a new Christian. I changed so much every day, and was so vulnerable to the challenges of the world. I needed somewhere safe to hide and found solace in prayer, the scriptures, and fellow believers who supported me as my faith developed. Let’s remember how tender he faith of the new believer is and do what’s possible to nurture them in their faith.
Who can you take under your wing?
5. Both Christians and Caterpillars Develop in stages:
“Insects do not appear to grow continuously the way we do because their skins cannot grow bigger as the insect grows, instead every now and then they shed their old skin and inflate a new larger one which they have built up inside their old one. Thus they appear to grow in a series of stages.”
We may not shed our skin as we grow physically, but I believe our spiritual development does occur in stages.
For example, I recently shed a spiritual skin. This may seem like a physical thing, but trust me, for me it was 100% spiritual. I have needed to take better care of my body for years. Lack of exercise, a fast food diet, and turning to the fork and knife for stress relief had me on a crash course for cardiac failure by the time I hit fifty (I just turned 33). It was time for a change, and change I did…..and for good too. For whatever reason I wasn’t previously ready to confront that issue in my life, but through the grace of God I continued to develop until I reached a point where it was possible.
Shedding that skin can almost be taken literally as I’m currently in the process of buying smaller clothes to fit my new body. What spiritual skin are you ready to shed?
6. Christians and Caterpillars both Transform from the inside out
During the metamorphosis inside the chrysalis:
“The first thing that happens is that a lot of the caterpillar’s old body dies. It is attacked by the same sort of juices the caterpillar used in its earlier life to digest its food, it would not be far wrong to say the caterpillar digests itself from the inside out, this process is called 'histolysis'.”
I would say that the process of sanctification in a Christian occurs in the exact same way. Christ is in our hearts, He lives inside of us. As we allow Him to work on us, the most awful and hideous parts of us are literally eaten away from the inside out. This is why Christianity is a holistic religion….it has to start with our core. Proclaiming to live it on the surface will never cut it because regardless of what we may say, the core will always remain rotten. Christ demands all of us, every part, and it’s impossible to make a total transformation without allowing Him to work on us from the inside out.
What part of your carnal nature are you reluctant to give to Christ?
7. Caterpillars and Christians are both Born Twice
What, you didn’t know butterflies were ‘born again’? What’s fascinating about this is that the process of ‘histolysis’ described above is very much like a physical death of the caterpillar. There is literally almost nothing of the old creature left when the majestic butterfly emerges from the chrysalis. It literally experiences a second birth. How amazing is this when considering the life of a Christian?
“Born again” is such a valid way to describe my existence. I literally reflect on the day I accepted Christ as my real birthday, and I view myself as a different creature since that event.
It is an absolute miracle that we have a Heavenly Father that provided a way for the miracle of Christ’s Atonement to occur in the lives of His children. Let’s be reminded of His divine plan for us the next time we see a caterpillar inching along a tree branch, or a butterfly perched on a flower. It’s my testimony that God does have a special purpose for each of us, and his process of helping us find happiness is just as natural as the one that transforms a lowly caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly. Let’s allow Him into our lives, to change us into things of grandeur.
Comments are welcome and appreciated…as always.
