Follow Me Over to Skywardblog.net
Thank you...from Me to You!
Wow! When I started Figliving a little over a year ago, I had no idea where it would take me....and it's been quite a journey! Over the past year figliving has posted over 50 articles and garnered almost 600 subscribers. I offer a whole hearted thank you to everyone who's read and commented here. It's been a pleasure walking this path with you....but this is by no means the end of the road, it's only the beginning!
Moving Forward
As I've grown as a writer and a person, I've felt a need to invest more energy and resources into my personal blog. Consequently, I think a fresh start is in order. I wanted to personally welcome you to my new blog: www.skywardblog.net.
We'll cover any and all topics regarding personal growth and development. I'm excited about the change and the potential to reach and help more individuals and families. My plan is to write to a much broader audience and connect with like-minded people. Please come on over and subscribe, as I've already began posting new articles will continue to do so twice a week.
I'd also love any feedback you can give me on the look and feel of the site. Tell me what I need to tweak, add, or take-away.
Again, thanks to all of you and I look forward to seeing you over at Skyward!
God Bless,
Jason
Click here to check out the site!
22 Ways, Other Than Gifts, to Show Love This Holiday Season
Gifts are great, and a wonderful way to show those closest to us how much we love them…..but not the only way.
Here are some other ways to show our love:
1. Wake up early and fix everyone breakfast.
2. Pay a strangers toll
3. When you ask someone “how ya doing?”…..mean it!
4. Do your spouse or child’s chores for a day
5. When you greet a friend or family member with a hug, give them an extra long squeeze.
6. Tell your spouse how much you appreciate them and why.
7. Find a friend on Facebook who desperately needs a compliment and post it on their wall.
8. Yield to someone in traffic
9. Smile at one person when you normally wouldn’t
10. Pray as a family for someone you know in need
11. Set a goal, for just one hour, to not feel guilty about the past.
12. Have a family night with no TV, eat dinner together, play a game…..laugh, share, enjoy life.
13. When you become frustrated with a loved one, think of 3 things you love about them, then immediately share it with them.
14. Take a child on a “kid date”…..anything from a walk to teaching them magic tricks.
15. When in a conversation, make you only goal to understand the other person and forget about what you’ll say next.
16. Mend a broken relationship….it’s time.
17. Tell each of your children how special they are and why.
18. Babysit for a couple who hasn’t been on a date for a while
19. Think of the one thing that you could do to most improve your relationship with your spouse, children, parents, siblings, etc. and do it.
20. Visit a lonely person…it could make their entire month.
21. Set a goal, for just one hour, to not fear the future.
22. Find a person who doesn’t think they matter, and convince them that they do.
Chime in, what'd I miss?
Shedding Greed and Ego through “Goals of Goodness”
What situations bring our your animal instincts?
I’m proud to say that I went on my first Black Friday adventure last week, and to say it was a unique experience is an understatement. For those of you who’ve not had the honor of experiencing this for yourself, imagine after prom party meets sharks in a feeding frenzy.
When we entered the store at 3:58 am Friday morning I was immediately shocked to find that there were two different types of people there: those who became like ravenous wolves and lost all degree of civility, and those who remained courteous and shopped…while observing the wolves.
The Metamorphosis Exposed
What caused some people remain human while others turned into wolves? My answer: some allowed themselves to be dominated by their ego, and some remained fully conscious.
Black Friday is like an ego breeding ground. Why?...Because it’s so easy to justify our behavior. Our inner voice tells us that my actions are ok because, “I’m doing this for my children”, or “I got up at 2am for this”, or “I’ve been waiting for this for 6 weeks”, therefore we allow our animal instincts to take over and it’s every man for himself. Trust me, I’m not dogging these kamikaze shoppers because every single one of us falls into this trap from time to time. Heck, while was waiting in the parking lot waiting for the store to open I was watching the cars roll in. I caught myself thinking, “these people are going to get my stuff!”….then I had to chuckle at myself.
Observing the Wolves
These are inner wolves I’m talking about here….not the crazy people stampeding through Target in their pj’s. As our inner wolf, or ego, begins to arise within us there are several things we can do to tame it. First, we can remind ourselves that there’s never a rationalization for putting ourselves first. I personally believe this rule is absolute. I ask myself, “when’s the last time greed brought me an increase of true happiness?” The answer is obviously, never. Greed has only brought me an increase of suffering…..every single time.
Next, when we know we’re about to walk into an ego “perfect storm” we can spiritually brace ourselves. We can do this by setting a goal to show an increase of love and empathy when in the situation. Tell yourself, “If I get the last “xyz gadget” they have, and the person beside me seems like they really want it…I’ll give it to them”, or “I’m going to make sure I serve the children dinner first even though I’m starving”, or “I’ll stay up and read a book to the kids even though I’m dog tired”. It’s the times in my life that I’ve actually done stuff like this that have been my happiest moments…..notwithstanding, our ego will have us believe the opposite.
By reminding ourselves that greed is always bad, and by setting “goals of goodness” before tough situations, we diminish the role of the ego in our lives. In order to accomplish either of these tasks, we inherently have to become the observer of our lives which empowers us to step back and watch our feelings and emotions….this is the first step to shedding layers of greed.
Overall, I really enjoyed the whole Black Friday thing. Heck, I think I’ll make it a holiday tradition. The entertainment value alone was enough, plus we saved some serious bank!
When do you find you need to set “goals of goodness”?
Why it’s OK to Pick my Own Nose: A Lesson in Double Standards
A picture of me picking my nose.
I can guarantee that every single person reading this post has experienced both of the following scenarios (if not, be sure and tell me…but I still won’t believe you):
1. You’re driving down the interstate and notice a car traveling beside you. You glance over to discover the driver fully engaged in picking his or her nose!
2. You’re driving down the interstate and notice a car traveling beside you. You glance over to discover the person driving the neighboring car staring at you….you’ve just been busted picking your own nose!
Question: Why is it repulsive when other people pick their noses, but not when we pick our own? This post isn’t really about the virtues of nose picking as much as it’s about the double standards we impose upon others…..and how we tend to rationalize them.
Whether we’re cutting someone off in a conversation, cutting someone off in traffic, or cutting off a pair of jeans to wear to the water park, we allow ourselves to do things we would condemn others for without hesitation. We all suffer from this form of psychosis: But from whence does it come?
The Nose Picking Syndrome
Let’s turn to our experiences on the interstate for some answers. When you discovered the “recreational activities” of the neighboring driver what was your knee-jerk response? If you’re anything like me, you were probably a bit repulsed…..right?
Now think about your rationalizations for picking you own nose (I thought this would become less weird as the post went on…but apparently I was wrong!) No longer so repulsive is it? You felt somewhat justified because it was somehow different for you….am I wrong?
The Ego and the Heart of the Double Standard
The reason we feel inclined to grant ourselves these special “rights and privileges” while denying them to others originates from our ego. That part of ourselves that convinces us that we are separate from others; that they are in competition with us; that whatever they obtain or achieve somehow takes away something from us. It’s paradigm is actually manifested by the use of the word “they” as that implies separation…..instead of the use of the words “we” or “us”.
Let’s look at another example. Say I’m having a conversation with someone, as this sort of thing happens to me on a regular basis. The other person is speaking, and a really “applicable and poignant” thought comes into my mind just as they begin to share the essence of their point. I know how utterly rude it would be to interrupt them, notwithstanding, I want so badly in that moment to just blurt out my point.
The entire time there’s a voice inside my head saying, “it’s ok to cut him off because you might forget this one, plus he’s about to go off on another tangent. Do it now, it perfectly fine….this time is different!”
Diminishing the Role of the Ego
We all know that this conversation is not any different from any other, and my “important” thought was no more important than any other. But how can we remember this in the moment we are tempted to rationalize and apply the double standard? It begins with empathy for the other person; the ability to literally feel what they are feeling. This grows into spurts of real love for them, then eventually into unconditional love, and finally into a feeling of one-ness with them. You know you have achieved this when you look over at them in the next car picking their nose, and instead of getting grossed out say “boy I hope they find what they’re looking for!”
Any thoughts, comments, questions about personal hygiene?
Scraping our Problems off the Windshield of Life
We had our first hard frost in Virginia the other morning. I discovered this shortly after starting my truck and realizing that I was without a windshield scraper.
It was before dawn and very brisk….I had a decision to make: Do I sit lazily and wait for the defrost to melt the ice away, or try to improvise and use a credit card or other make-shift object? I chose lazy, and waited…..but only until there was a round 8” clearing in the frost at the very bottom of the windshield.
Driving Blind!
So here I am driving down the road, hunched over, peering through this tiny hole!....couldn’t see much to say the least (don’t say anything, you know you’ve done it too.) Luckily, by the time I reached the highway, the windshield was mostly clear and I could see enough to drive safely.
After traveling a few miles down the road, the heat had really kicked in and every spec of frost was melted away. Plus, it was getting nice and toasty inside the truck. Life was good……until I broke over a hill and found myself driving directly toward the newly risen sun.
The glare was unbearable, not so much because of the brightness of the sun, but because the inside of the windshield was covered in a dirty/smoky film that distorted the sunlight, causing it to scatter, and basically rendering me unable to see. I immediately had to pull off the road and clean the film off the inside of the windshield. I pulled back onto the road. Finally, I could see clearly and drive toward the sun!
"Problems" Inside and Out
Our lives aren’t all that different from windshields. There are forces from without and within that obscure our vision, and keep us from finding our way toward God. It takes great effort on our part to keep our windshields clean.
The stuff on the outside; frost, mud, or whatever, is our life situation. These are the components of our lives that are observable to the outside world. They exist in the space that surrounds us. These outside forces such as problems at work, relationships, money, etc, inhibit our ability to see our path….if we allow them. The key is to either change or accept these parts of our life situation that we consider “problems”. Either alternative increases vision, one acts as defrost and melts the problem away, and the other acts as Rain-X and allows the problem to just roll off of us, but both are proactive measures. Acceptance is not the same as doing nothing about our problems, which like choosing to drive down the road blindly with perfectly good windshield wipers.....we have to do something!
The stuff on the inside of our windshields is what Christ spoke of when he taught about keeping the inside of our cups clean. What’s funny is that the film that had developed over time didn’t become evident until the light from the sun glared on it. God reveals to us what we need to change in our lives by shining the light of His spirit on it. Over time, we begin to see how this “film” obscures our vision of the pathway toward the Son. Sometimes we even have to “pull off the road” and allow Him to make us clean once again.
How else do windshields apply to life?.....didn't even get into cracks or bugs.
Seeing the Divinity of a Spider
The other day I saw the biggest freaking spider….It was huge, it was hairy, and worst of all it was inside our church. And who discovered it….the youth of course. Needless to say, there was weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth!
It was painfully obvious that I was the one to handle the situation. A year ago, I’d have made quick work of that bad boy with my shoe and simply cleaned up the remnants. But there was one problem….several months ago I decided to stop killing bugs. That’s right, I said I’ve stopped killing bugs….weird huh, especially for a guy?
Anyway, to everyone’s great astonishment, I grabbed a paper towel, scooped him up, and released him to find his way back to spider town. Nothing really astonishing there; however, something odd happened as I was carrying him down the hall and out the door.
As I was walking, I looked down at him (I kind of had him folded into the paper towel in a way I could still see him) and for an instant I didn’t see a freaky, eight legged monster; a creature that has been a source of fear over the course of my entire life (dig snakes….hate spiders!), but saw him, if only for a moment, as divine.
It’s hard to describe the feeling, but it was almost like I was cuddling a cute bunny rabbit or a purring kitten, or some other animal that easily wins our affection. And I must say this was different from simply seeing the beauty of the animal. There are some spiders, and other “freaky” creatures, that are arrayed with brilliant colors, or create magnificent webs, or look or act in a way that makes it easy to say “ahh yes, how wonderful God’s creations”. But this wasn’t a beautiful spider, it was rather hideous looking. It wasn’t the beauty of the animal that I saw; it was a perception of the divine within it....akin to seeing the Savior as you look upon a homeless person.
If there’s a take-away from this post, I think it’s that as we show respect for everything God has placed in our path, that love and respect will expand within us and allow us to see more of the divine in all things, including ourselves.
What do you think? Am I crazy?
A Moment of Holiday Frustration!
- Are we raising armies of mindless consumers?
I just laid a ground rule in the house (and I never do this): all toy catalogues go directly into the trash. For the past several years my kids have adopted the habit, all on their own, of sitting down with the little Toys-R-Us mailers and circling the toys they want for Christmas.
I’m thinking: “Great, why wait until Christmas to allow them to focus entirely on themselves when the unbridled selfishness can begin 6 months in advance?”
I said that they learned this “on their own”, but that’s a tremendous miscalculation. This is something that’s been taught to them (and us) from the moment they we’re born.
As soon as we’re old enough to stare at the television we’re told an incredulous lie: we need stuff to make us happy.
My daughter turned three in August and she is the most precious snuggle muffin in the world. She’s recently developed the habit of saying “I want that!” every single time a “girl” commercial comes on television. This makes me sick! “I want, I want, I want, I want…..”
How about “I want…..to forget myself and serve others?”….that’s the message that needs to permeate our homes! Let’s hit out kids with that one from all angles.
Let me make one thing clear, my 5 kids are the most gracious, serving, and selfless kids I know, but I see a shift towards selfishness as Christmas draws near; and it’s because I see this change in such awesome kids that it makes me absolutely sick. We do teach about Christ in our home. We do teach the true meaning of Christmas. We do focus on serving others first and putting ourselves last, but my fear is that the volume of the worlds message is greater than ours.
This has forced me to ask : Who controls the remote control in my home?
This has finally reached critical mass for me and it's time to hit the “mute” button. It’s clearly not possible to “serve two masters”.
Anyone else frustrated?
Rating Your Tempations from 1 to 10
Try this one on:
Next time feel inclined to do something you know goes against your values, rate how strong the temptation is….from 1 to 10.
Check out 3 of about a 1,000 examples from my life today:
- Tonight while working out, I felt like quitting….but it wasn’t very strong, probably only a 1 or 2. I pushed through it.
- I worked from home today….had distractions….frustration mounted. Negativity and rationalizations began creeping in. Pretty strong, about a 7……I could have done better with it.
- I wanted a second bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast. It was a solid 10+ (because it’s the best food on earth) and I folded, but enjoyed every morsel.
Win some…..lose some
But seriously, this mental exercise can actually play an important role in helping us make good decisions. No one’s exempt from temptation and whether you think the source is Satan, the ego, or your Lizard brain (Seth Godin reference) the first step is realizing that it doesn’t originate within us.
That’s why as soon as you play this little game you’ve already won half the battle: because it forces you to realize that it’s not you. It’s a force exerted on you from outside, maybe not from outside of our bodies, but certainly outside of our divine nature which is who we really are. This is the single biggest step to overcoming temptation: being the observer. Once you can observe, you have the potential to see the situation from an objective rather than subjective perspective. Once we realize that, “hey, this is that thing again” and take a second to quantify it, we can either dismiss it immediately or come up with a game plan to conquer it.
What helps you overcome temptation?
How do you deal with Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Thomas Edison said……
Is abundance flowing into your life?
“Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.”
Assuming this is true, maybe we should take a moment to consider how much time we actually spend waiting…..and how our lives would change if we took full advantage it?
2 Things are required:
First, desire- which Mr. Edison so fully embodied.
And
Second, being prepared- Which is a matter of pre-planning, which requires forethought, which requires prioritization, which requires being proactive….and we find ourselves back at desire.
Making the most of life starts with our passion, from there we will find our way.
So once your there in the tire shop, waiting for the next appointment, or whenever the next spare 45 minutes pops up, remember that it’s more than an opportunity to simply check something else off our to-do list. It’s an opportunity to make ourselves one step closer to greatness.
Being a Spiritual Trash Collector
Does the negativity of others have you grouchy?
So I found myself sitting in my truck between appointments, trying to get some work done, and this dude pulls right beside me, opens his car door and throws a big bag of trash right on the stinking ground……and I’m in an empty parking lot!
Talk about getting me fired up! You can ask my wife, I really only have 2 pet peeves: one is discretely popping your gum, and the other is LITTERING. I mean, who did the dude think was going to pick it up.....little trash pixies or something? Anyway, I’ve heard that it’s not good to spend more than a moment or two focusing on the problem, so let’s talk about a solution.
In reality, most of us don’t have the audacity of this guy. We care enough about our surroundings to at least throw our own trash away. And some of us may even take time to clean up the trash left by others….and that’s the lesson in this for me today.
Being a Spiritual Trash Collector
Everywhere we go we witness people dumping their spiritual litter on the world. Strangers being rude to one another…..friends talking about one another behind their backs…..and family members holding grudges for extended periods of time. All caught in a vicious cycle of being offended and being the offender…….each negative act spiritually polluting the world.
The great news is that sometimes it’s just as possible to clean up the spiritual messes of others as it is for me to walk over and pick up that guy’s bag of trash. We certainly cannot remove the consequences of sin from an individual’s life….that’s between them and God. But we can sometimes remove, or at least diminish, the consequences of their actions on the rest of the world. Let’s take time to let our light shine when we witness (or participate) in such things. We can do this by sending our love, giving forgiveness, serving others, and just through understanding that we are interconnected with them and God. These simple acts will eradicate spiritual pollution from our presence.
Time to go pick up some trash.
