Unconditional Love, Christmas Parades, and my boy’s ‘Pant’s on the Ground’!
Happiness Comes through holding on to those we love.
Have you ever been in a public place and had one of your children embarrass the heck out of you?
A couple of years ago we decided to take our family of six to the local Christmas parade. Now, keep in mind this is a small town, where everyone knows everyone. Anyway, the parade begins and our family is parked on the curb watching the bands play, gathering candy, and marveling at the mini cars….everyone’s having a blast. Then I look over, and all I see are my three year old son’s butt cheeks right in front of me. He decided to go potty right in the middle of the street, in front of the entire crowd!
Now as a parent, there are two possible reactions here: to drop everything, leave the child with his pants down, and run and hide your face in shame, or to accept ownership of the naked boy and deal with the situation. I’m not saying who did what, but I chose one and my wife chose the other….we still get a good laugh out of that one!
That’s a very lighthearted story, but it really illustrates how we tend to react in one of two ways to the actions of our loved ones. We either focus on them, or we focus on ourselves. Focus on them, on their wants and needs, is unconditional love. We accept them for what they are and love them regardless of their actions. Focus on ourselves brings selfishness and embarrassment, and is based on conditional love. If you meet my standards, you win my affection. One builds the loved on up, and the other tears them down.
This holiday season, as we spend time with our loved ones, let’s make sure they know we love them for who they are and there’s not anything they could do that would make us love them less….the way our Heavenly Father loves each of us. This is the true essence of Christmas.
Why it’s OK to Pick my Own Nose: A Lesson in Double Standards
A picture of me picking my nose.
I can guarantee that every single person reading this post has experienced both of the following scenarios (if not, be sure and tell me…but I still won’t believe you):
1. You’re driving down the interstate and notice a car traveling beside you. You glance over to discover the driver fully engaged in picking his or her nose!
2. You’re driving down the interstate and notice a car traveling beside you. You glance over to discover the person driving the neighboring car staring at you….you’ve just been busted picking your own nose!
Question: Why is it repulsive when other people pick their noses, but not when we pick our own? This post isn’t really about the virtues of nose picking as much as it’s about the double standards we impose upon others…..and how we tend to rationalize them.
Whether we’re cutting someone off in a conversation, cutting someone off in traffic, or cutting off a pair of jeans to wear to the water park, we allow ourselves to do things we would condemn others for without hesitation. We all suffer from this form of psychosis: But from whence does it come?
The Nose Picking Syndrome
Let’s turn to our experiences on the interstate for some answers. When you discovered the “recreational activities” of the neighboring driver what was your knee-jerk response? If you’re anything like me, you were probably a bit repulsed…..right?
Now think about your rationalizations for picking you own nose (I thought this would become less weird as the post went on…but apparently I was wrong!) No longer so repulsive is it? You felt somewhat justified because it was somehow different for you….am I wrong?
The Ego and the Heart of the Double Standard
The reason we feel inclined to grant ourselves these special “rights and privileges” while denying them to others originates from our ego. That part of ourselves that convinces us that we are separate from others; that they are in competition with us; that whatever they obtain or achieve somehow takes away something from us. It’s paradigm is actually manifested by the use of the word “they” as that implies separation…..instead of the use of the words “we” or “us”.
Let’s look at another example. Say I’m having a conversation with someone, as this sort of thing happens to me on a regular basis. The other person is speaking, and a really “applicable and poignant” thought comes into my mind just as they begin to share the essence of their point. I know how utterly rude it would be to interrupt them, notwithstanding, I want so badly in that moment to just blurt out my point.
The entire time there’s a voice inside my head saying, “it’s ok to cut him off because you might forget this one, plus he’s about to go off on another tangent. Do it now, it perfectly fine….this time is different!”
Diminishing the Role of the Ego
We all know that this conversation is not any different from any other, and my “important” thought was no more important than any other. But how can we remember this in the moment we are tempted to rationalize and apply the double standard? It begins with empathy for the other person; the ability to literally feel what they are feeling. This grows into spurts of real love for them, then eventually into unconditional love, and finally into a feeling of one-ness with them. You know you have achieved this when you look over at them in the next car picking their nose, and instead of getting grossed out say “boy I hope they find what they’re looking for!”
Any thoughts, comments, questions about personal hygiene?
Scraping our Problems off the Windshield of Life
We had our first hard frost in Virginia the other morning. I discovered this shortly after starting my truck and realizing that I was without a windshield scraper.
It was before dawn and very brisk….I had a decision to make: Do I sit lazily and wait for the defrost to melt the ice away, or try to improvise and use a credit card or other make-shift object? I chose lazy, and waited…..but only until there was a round 8” clearing in the frost at the very bottom of the windshield.
Driving Blind!
So here I am driving down the road, hunched over, peering through this tiny hole!....couldn’t see much to say the least (don’t say anything, you know you’ve done it too.) Luckily, by the time I reached the highway, the windshield was mostly clear and I could see enough to drive safely.
After traveling a few miles down the road, the heat had really kicked in and every spec of frost was melted away. Plus, it was getting nice and toasty inside the truck. Life was good……until I broke over a hill and found myself driving directly toward the newly risen sun.
The glare was unbearable, not so much because of the brightness of the sun, but because the inside of the windshield was covered in a dirty/smoky film that distorted the sunlight, causing it to scatter, and basically rendering me unable to see. I immediately had to pull off the road and clean the film off the inside of the windshield. I pulled back onto the road. Finally, I could see clearly and drive toward the sun!
"Problems" Inside and Out
Our lives aren’t all that different from windshields. There are forces from without and within that obscure our vision, and keep us from finding our way toward God. It takes great effort on our part to keep our windshields clean.
The stuff on the outside; frost, mud, or whatever, is our life situation. These are the components of our lives that are observable to the outside world. They exist in the space that surrounds us. These outside forces such as problems at work, relationships, money, etc, inhibit our ability to see our path….if we allow them. The key is to either change or accept these parts of our life situation that we consider “problems”. Either alternative increases vision, one acts as defrost and melts the problem away, and the other acts as Rain-X and allows the problem to just roll off of us, but both are proactive measures. Acceptance is not the same as doing nothing about our problems, which like choosing to drive down the road blindly with perfectly good windshield wipers.....we have to do something!
The stuff on the inside of our windshields is what Christ spoke of when he taught about keeping the inside of our cups clean. What’s funny is that the film that had developed over time didn’t become evident until the light from the sun glared on it. God reveals to us what we need to change in our lives by shining the light of His spirit on it. Over time, we begin to see how this “film” obscures our vision of the pathway toward the Son. Sometimes we even have to “pull off the road” and allow Him to make us clean once again.
How else do windshields apply to life?.....didn't even get into cracks or bugs.
Rating Your Tempations from 1 to 10
Try this one on:
Next time feel inclined to do something you know goes against your values, rate how strong the temptation is….from 1 to 10.
Check out 3 of about a 1,000 examples from my life today:
- Tonight while working out, I felt like quitting….but it wasn’t very strong, probably only a 1 or 2. I pushed through it.
- I worked from home today….had distractions….frustration mounted. Negativity and rationalizations began creeping in. Pretty strong, about a 7……I could have done better with it.
- I wanted a second bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast. It was a solid 10+ (because it’s the best food on earth) and I folded, but enjoyed every morsel.
Win some…..lose some
But seriously, this mental exercise can actually play an important role in helping us make good decisions. No one’s exempt from temptation and whether you think the source is Satan, the ego, or your Lizard brain (Seth Godin reference) the first step is realizing that it doesn’t originate within us.
That’s why as soon as you play this little game you’ve already won half the battle: because it forces you to realize that it’s not you. It’s a force exerted on you from outside, maybe not from outside of our bodies, but certainly outside of our divine nature which is who we really are. This is the single biggest step to overcoming temptation: being the observer. Once you can observe, you have the potential to see the situation from an objective rather than subjective perspective. Once we realize that, “hey, this is that thing again” and take a second to quantify it, we can either dismiss it immediately or come up with a game plan to conquer it.
What helps you overcome temptation?
How do you deal with Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
What is Air Fasting and How Can It Bring Gratitude For Life?
What the heck is Air Fasting?
Air fasting is a means of increasing our gratitude for the most fundamental blessings of life and recognizing the abundance that flows freely from God. This is accomplished by a forced recognition our most basic human need..….Air. We can go for weeks without food, days without water, but only minutes without air; yet it is the most abundant resource we have. It fills the space around us and fills our lungs with the oxygen needed to sustain life.
Air fasting is a simple concept…..so simple you may dismiss it as foolish. But if done in a prayerful and meditative state, it will bring a high level of gratitude for life and a deeper connection with God.
How is Air Fasting Done?
First take several deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Feel the air flow in and out. Then take one last breath and hold it as long as possible. Pay close attention to your body’s response…..be the observer. Notice how your body transitions from a state of comfort, to an awareness of your need to breath, to full starvation of air. When you finally gasp for air you’ll take several quick involuntary breaths. After a few seconds when you regain composure, take several long deep breaths. With each breath reflect on the abundance with which God has blessed you. Feel the cool fresh air flow in and out and feel its life sustaining force replenish your body. Feel God in every breath and thank Him for every blessing in your life.
God is our Air
Air fasting brings to the for-front of our consciousness the degree to which we rely on resources we cannot provide, and forces us to be cognizant of the Provider. Furthermore, it demonstrates how our physical need for air represents our spiritual need for God. We gasp for spiritual breath after only moments of being without God…..and many are in a perpetual state of gasping. Let’s take time to be grateful. Let’s take time to acknowledge even our most fundamental blessings. As we recognize the hand of God in these most basic blessings we will live in a state of peace and gratitude and abundance will continue to flow into our lives.
Meeting Critical Deadlines while at Total Inner Peace
How do you function spritually when 'under the gun'?
When Adam was cast out of the Garden of Eden he was told “by the sweat of thy face shalt thou make thy bread all the days of thy life.”
From that day forward man has had to meet the economic demands of this material world in order to sustain the life of himself and his family. The challenge associated with this isn’t necessarily in providing the essentials of life; it’s in meeting these demands while recognizing that we’re really spiritual beings in the midst of a material world.
We become so identified with hungry children, impatient bosses, and rush-hour traffic that we fail to connect with God, the source of everlasting life who can empower us to meet these demands with joy and total inner peace. This is the secret of finding joy here on earth: to embrace 100% of our duel nature; giving all our energy to both meeting the physical demands of life and remaining in conscious contact with God. To live in such a way that from the moment we wake in the morning until our head hits the pillow at night we work our butts off to accomplish our tasks while all the while remaining in a state of complete joy and bliss. Now wouldn’t that be nice?
Here are 3 Ideas or Remaining in a State of Inner Peace while accomplishing the Tasks of Life
1. Life vs Life Situation
It helps to recognize that there’s a difference between our life and our life situation. Our life is the essence of who we are, the part of us that God created, the part that is unchangeable and unaffected by our surroundings. Our life is priceless, eternal, and divine. Our life situation, however, is in perpetual transition. It is our surroundings and the circumstances we find ourselves in at any given moment. When we confuse our life with our life situation we become identified with our surroundings and believe that they can either add or detract from what God intended us to become.
I’ve used this analogy before, but we are like a deep lake where the entire disturbance occurs on the surface. Peace and serenity are found below the surface in the depths of the water. The lake is not defined by what happens on the surface, and we are not defined by the constant chaos and commotion of our life situation.
2. Play the Game
Once we understand that our life situation cannot add or detract from who we are, we can look at life as somewhat of a game. Imagine playing a video game. While in the game your focus is on winning, otherwise you wouldn’t be playing, but you know that whether you win or lose makes no difference because the game will end and you’ll move on to something else. We can look at this life the same way. When you’re under pressure to accomplish a certain task, give everything you have to accomplishing it, but remember that life is just a game. Sometimes we see it as a sucky game, but a game none-the-less. This empowers you to see the world from an eternal perspective and to dis-identify with your life situation, allowing you to connect with God regardless of the circumstances.
3. Squash your Ego
Our ego is a thought we have about who we are, nothing more. It only lives in our mind, but it is the single greatest deterrent to connecting with God and having inner peace in our daily lives. It tries to convince us that we are separate from others, that we are defined by the stuff we have and what we have accomplished, and that we are separate from God. It is the 3 year old kid inside us that screams “MINE!!!!” It is the part of us that becomes offended. It is the part of us that tries to convince us that we are superior or inferior to others. It is also the part of us that is worried about what others may think.
Becoming identified with our ego will absolutely guarantee inner turmoil regardless of how ‘good or bad’ our life situation may really be. We’ve all met people who seem to have everything but are utterly miserable, as well as people whose situation may really stink but are completely happy…..these are the opposite ends of the ego spectrum. How entrenched we are with ego will determine our level of inner peace while working to accomplish our goals.
The key to shedding layers of ego is to recognize it when it rears its ugly head. Say to yourself “Here’s my ego at work again.” Because the ego is nothing more than a thought, shedding light on it in this way will diminish its presence in your life. Just as shining a light in a dark room eliminates darkness, shedding the light of your consciousness on the ego will cause it to shrink allowing us to be at peace regardless of our circumstances or what tasks may await us.
What practices have you found that help you meet the demands placed upon you in a state of inner peace?
