A Moment of Holiday Frustration!
- Are we raising armies of mindless consumers?
I just laid a ground rule in the house (and I never do this): all toy catalogues go directly into the trash. For the past several years my kids have adopted the habit, all on their own, of sitting down with the little Toys-R-Us mailers and circling the toys they want for Christmas.
I’m thinking: “Great, why wait until Christmas to allow them to focus entirely on themselves when the unbridled selfishness can begin 6 months in advance?”
I said that they learned this “on their own”, but that’s a tremendous miscalculation. This is something that’s been taught to them (and us) from the moment they we’re born.
As soon as we’re old enough to stare at the television we’re told an incredulous lie: we need stuff to make us happy.
My daughter turned three in August and she is the most precious snuggle muffin in the world. She’s recently developed the habit of saying “I want that!” every single time a “girl” commercial comes on television. This makes me sick! “I want, I want, I want, I want…..”
How about “I want…..to forget myself and serve others?”….that’s the message that needs to permeate our homes! Let’s hit out kids with that one from all angles.
Let me make one thing clear, my 5 kids are the most gracious, serving, and selfless kids I know, but I see a shift towards selfishness as Christmas draws near; and it’s because I see this change in such awesome kids that it makes me absolutely sick. We do teach about Christ in our home. We do teach the true meaning of Christmas. We do focus on serving others first and putting ourselves last, but my fear is that the volume of the worlds message is greater than ours.
This has forced me to ask : Who controls the remote control in my home?
This has finally reached critical mass for me and it's time to hit the “mute” button. It’s clearly not possible to “serve two masters”.
Anyone else frustrated?
Modern Technology: Blessing or Curse in the Home? Part 2-Video Games: Playing With Fire?
Part 2- Video Games: Playing With Fire?
How does gaming effect you and your children?
Let’s start by reading the following REAL comments from people whose lives have been destroyed by an addiction to……video games? Sound crazy? Prepare to be blown away!
“I have been playing the game the best part of two years and I wasn't fully acknowledged with the problem until my husband didn't want me to return home from my away-from-home job over Christmas.….the (game) environment is something I will miss, but this is my first attempt at giving up, hopefully my only attempt. …my husband and I are attending marriage guidance. I hope this will work out because I love him... I’m just torn between him and the game right now. Living in this motel won't be much fun, but will be my short term accommodation providing I can give it up.”
“My husband is addicted to WOW(World of Warcraft video game). He's been playing on and off for almost 5 years but it is worse than ever. It's like an alcoholic who can't resist another drink. He neglects me, our kids, he has no friends outside of "ventrilo" and he actually admits he needs to play it to feel calm and relaxed. What do I do?”
“I finally quit (the game) back in September '09 after several failed attempts. I miss it sometimes but not enough to risk damaging my life and relationship as much as I did over 5 years of playing. Since I quit my wife has come back (she left for almost a year in 2008), I spend time with my friends and family…and am trying to develop a better relationship with my 2 sons whom I virtually ignored while I was addicted…”
This addiction is as severe as that of any narcotic! Yes, these are real people with real families and are not isolated incidents. This one site, http://www.wowdetox.com/, has over 2,000 pages full of comments just like these! It literally brought tears to my eyes to read about the destructive forces of video game addiction in these people’s “RL’s” (real lives).
How does this apply to You?
Ok, so maybe you don’t currently find yourself separated from your spouse, isolated from your kids, or living in a Super 8 Hotel on the corner because of video games. Granted, that’s pretty extreme. But even though these dramatic experiences may not describe your situation, it’s likely that video games play some role in your life.
Here’s the thing: I’ve seen the effects of video game abuse in my life. I’ve seen grown men with families literally spend dozens of hours in front of the screen, staying up alone all night on a regular basis, rendered catatonic the following day and unable to fulfill their responsibilities. I’ve seen people turn to a fantasy world of gaming as a way to hide from the realities of life, for literally years at a time, and become more and more reclusive as they lose the inability to interact with people in real world settings. As they watch their friends disappear, their health decline, and their social skills go down the toilet, they progressively become more discouraged and lose hope of ever succeeding in the real world. I’ve seen little children exposed to explicit content contained in games for adults…and even become proficient players of those games. The one thing I haven’t seen is a person who found true happiness in mastering a video game.
The purpose of this article is to give us the courage to take a hard look in the mirror and honestly ask ourselves the 3 following questions:
- Do I spend too much time playing video games?
- What effect does it have on my family, career, and relationship with God?
- Does my family utilize video games ways that are healthy and uplifting?
Don’t mistake me here. Video games are awesome! They’re a great resource for us and our families when used in controlled and healthy ways. But they are also a tool used by the adversary to destroy families and turn our attention away from God.
How do I know if I have a problem?
Sometimes it’s hard to step on the scale, but a heartfelt and prayerful self assessment is never a bad thing. Take a moment to honestly answer the following yes/no questions:
- Do I constantly think about the game?
- Do I become angry when someone asks me to stop?
- Do I feel unhappy, cranky, or irritable when not playing?
- Do I ignore negative consequences to my family or career?
- Do I ignore promptings to reduce playing time or quit?
- Do I try to cut back on playing time but can’t?
- Do I spend more than 20 hours a week playing?
- Do my family and friends think I play too much?
Also, answer the following true/false questions:
- I’d rather play games than spend time with my spouse.
- I’d rather play games than spend time with my children.
- I’d rather play games than go to work or church.
- Now list the things you’d rather do than play video games.
Thanks to the National Institute on Media and the Family for partial use of their assessment tools. A full length version of this can be found here.
5 Tips for Healthy Video Game use in the Home:
1. WWJP: What Would Jesus Play?
The “WWJ_” questions always make it easy don’t they? But the reality is that CONTENT MATTERS! Before buying or borrowing a game check the game rating (see below) and reviews online. Take the time to learn what you or your kids will be interacting with for extended amounts of time. Did you know that only 17% of parents check the rating and warning labels of their children’s games? We have to do better than that!
2. Limit Playing Time
This one’s for Mom, Dad, and the kids. Set time limits and stick to them! As the steward of your home, you are the only one who can determine what a healthy amount of game play is for you and your family. 
3. No Games in the Kid’s Room.
49% of children have game systems in their room. Games in room = No control over play time or content. Enough said!
4. Homework and Chores first
This is about priorities; and can go for Mom and Dad too! Get those bills paid, help the kids with their homework, spend time with your spouse (ideally not considered a chore). But don’t neglect what we know we should be doing! Put first things first, as Steven Covey puts it.
5. Chuck the Bad Games NOW!
Chuck now, ask questions later. I can speak from personal experience on this one. I reached a point in my life where I knew I needed to part with the music I had been listening to for years. I threw out all of my music….every single CD. It was liberating! If there are games in your home that you know don’t belong there, take my word for it and part with them immediately. Will you feel like you’re throwing money away? Will you catch some flak from the kids?….absolutely. Just smile, and know you’re doing the will of the Lord….they’ll get over it. I promise you’ll be blessed as I was years ago.
How are Video Games Rated?
We need to familiarize ourselves with the rating system.
The ratings are as follows:
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EC (Early Childhood): suitable for ages 3 and older. Contains no material that parents would find inappropriate. |
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E (Everyone): suitable for persons ages 6 and older. Titles in this category may contain minimal cartoon, fantasy or mild violence and/or infrequent use of mild language. |
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E10+ (Everyone 10 and older): content that may be suitable for persons ages 10 and older. Titles in this category may contain more cartoon, fantasy or mild violence, mild language, and/or minimal suggestive themes. |
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T (Teen): suitable for ages 13 and older. Titles in this category may contain violence, suggestive themes, crude humor, minimal blood, simulated gambling, and/or infrequent use of strong language. |
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M (Mature): have content that may be suitable for persons 17 years and older. Titles in this category may contain intense violence, blood and gore, sexual content, and/or strong language. |
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AO (Adults Only): have content that should only be played by persons 18 years and older. Titles in this category may include prolonged scenes of intense violence and/or graphic sexual content and nudity. |
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Title listed as RP (Rating Pending) has been submitted to the ESRB and is awaiting final rating. (This symbol appears only in advertising prior to a game's release.) |
Turn to God, Not Games!
The pursuit of happiness is the ambition of every single human being….ourselves, our spouses, our kids, everyone.
The question is:
Where do you look to find happiness?
What gives your life meaning and purpose?
I’m here to tell you that there’s only one source of true happiness, and that’s in a personal relationship with God. All other forms of worldly pleasure are pseudo-happiness and eventually fade away leaving us empty and alone….as we saw in the opening examples. Video games, although fun, will not bring us true joy or give any real meaning to our existence. We all have to cope with the realities of life. And I would submit that it’s when we feel most downtrodden; when we feel the most discouraged; when we feel as though we can’t cope with the reality of life; that we turn to the ultimate reality. That we turn to God, not Games.
As always, I’m interested to hear your take on this. Have you seen the effects of video game abuse in your life? What suggestions do you have? Have you ever parted with something personal to become closer to God?
To view part 1 of this series on Modern Technology in the Home titled “The Internet: Information Superhighway to Where?” click here.
Up next Part 3 of the series: TV and Movies: Quality Time or Quantity Time?
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Modern Technology: Blessing or Curse in the Home? Part 1: The Internet
Part 1: The Internet- Information Super Highway to Where?
by: Jason Hughes
- Where is the Internet taking your family?
Raising a family in today’s world is a trip! Our children are faced with challenges we couldn’t have dreamed of twenty years ago. As the information age rolls forth, parents need to decide whether they are going to confront the challenges presented by modern technology or bury their heads in the sand.
One thing’s for sure, unless we’re a sporting horse and buggy Amish style, technology will influence each member of our family in some way.
It’s up to us as parents and Christians to determine whether it will be a blessing or a curse in our home.
Each segment of this five-part series analyzes one facet of modern technology and its influence on today’s families. First, we’ll look at the Internet, then Gaming, TV and Movies, Social Media, and Texting. In each segment we’ll take a look at associated dangers, shocking statistics, and family guidelines for each of the facets. We’ll also analyze the benefits families can experience from using them in a healthy and controlled setting. As we traverse this series together, let’s seek inspiration from the Lord regarding our family’s unique circumstances and prayerfully resolve to make any changes we feel necessary.
We alone are the stewards of our homes, and no one else can or will take responsibility for what happens within its walls. We must decide where we stand on these critical issues and take proactive measures to insure we are fortified against the attack on the modern family.
The Internet- Information Super Highway to Where?
Did you know that the average American spends over 13 hours per week surfing the web?….and this is excluding email! This is more time then we spend eating and doing household chores combined!
That’s a huge investment of time and it begs certain questions:
How do you spend your time on the internet?
Do you know what your children are doing on the web?
Have you set any guidelines for internet use in your home?
What impact has the Internet had in your family?
Here are Some Alarming Statistics:
- 90% of Youth ages 15-17 report accidently coming across pornography online.
- 25% of all internet users “log on” for sexual purposes.
- Adults who consume pornography are THREE TIMES more likely to commit adultery.
- 56% of divorce cases, in one study, involved an obsessive interest in pornography.
- Internet sexual offenders report that 11 hours of their week are spent viewing child pornography.
- 1 in 5 teenagers report they have received an unwanted sexual solicitation on the web.
- 75% of children are willing to share personal information online.
- Only 25% of children report an online sexual solicitation to a parent or adult.
- 47% of Christians report porn is a major problem in the home.
The Dangers of Internet Use:
Talk about a wake-up call! Viewing those stats makes two things abundantly clear:
1. Pornography is an epidemic that destroys families.
2. Your child WILL come in contact with pornographic material online AND quite possibly be preyed upon!
The Family Killer
I have heard pornography referred to as a “victimless crime”. Try telling that to the children of a family torn apart by a parent’s addiction to porn. Ask the dad of that family about how it all started and he’ll tell you that it all started with a little curiosity and an “it can’t happen to me” mentality. It’s also apparent that Christians are not immune to this disease, and I have come across many studies that show it’s even a significant problem among clergy. No one is beyond the reaches of its grasp.
The fact is that we all find ourselves in one of two camps regarding pornography:
We are either currently engaged in it
OR
We are tempted to engage in it.
Here are some tips designed to help:
Tips for Avoiding Pornography on the Web:
#1. Prepare yourself before going online.
Pray for strength, give yourself a pep-talk, and know that you will be challenged. If you’re tired, sick, or otherwise weakened you may be especially vulnerable. Be prepared!
#2. Shoot down the first thought.
You know it’s coming…more frequently for some than others, but its coming. You know what I’m talking about, that initial temptation. It may hit you before you even get online. Shoot it down without hesitation and move on. Then smile…you just kicked the devil in the nads!
#3. Move on quickly.
You know if it’s bad stuff when you see it. Don’t sit there and stare at a link, advertisement, or whatever. What are you doing? You’re not going down that road….move on, forget it! The longer you think about it, the higher the probability you’ll get into trouble.
#4. Listen to the Holy Spirit, your conscience, or whatever you want to call it.
I don’t care what you say; there is a point when you are clearly told to STOP! And that command comes from somewhere outside yourself. Do yourself and your family a huge favor: don’t second guess it, don’t rationalize it, and don’t justify it. JUST STOP!
#5. Even if you succumb, it’s never too late to leave a site.
One of Satan’s best tools is “well, I’ve already taken the plunge, might as well enjoy the water!” NOT TRUE! That’s how you go from a temporary moment of weakness to DESTROYING YOUR FAMILY! We are all weak, our Heavenly Father knows that. We can be forgiven of the sin regardless of what we do but that doesn’t erase the earthly consequences of our actions. This flawed way of thinking is as irrational as thinking it’s as easy to remove a tiny spot of ink from a shirt as it is a shirt dunked in a tub of wine!
Prepare Your Children!
As demonstrated earlier, you’re not the only one who has to deal with this stuff. We’re adults and we struggle with it, could you imagine how difficult it has to be for teenagers with their unbridled passion for life! We have to prepare them for what’s sure to come. I like the following quote that came from the “Internet Guide for Parents” at www.frc.org.
“Hello, Son. You’ve probably noticed that big cardboard box in the middle of your bedroom floor. As you’ve heard, it contains a bunch of Playboy and Penthouse magazines. Underneath those are hardcore magazines. Underneath those are hardcore magazines contain¬ing some of the worst kind of hardcore sexual imagery available in the world, including illegal child por¬nography—you’ve probably been curious about what “hardcore” looks like, haven’t you?
Well, here’s the deal: don’t look in the box….
…You’re 15 now; old enough to spend significant time home alone as your Mom and I go on various errands and events, and your brother and sister are involved in their activities. Of course, there is no way I would know if you looked in the box. In fact, you could safely remove quite a few issues and keep them elsewhere—I wouldn’t notice. But please: don’t look in the box.
I realize that as a teenager, your sexual drive is stron¬ger now than at any other time in your life. So, not only will curiosity fuel your desire to look in the box, but your hormones will be begging you to do so as well. And once, when you tripped on the box and one issue tumbled out, what you saw as you hurriedly put it back ignited your interest. It took every bit of willpower you had to not flip through the issue in your hands.
But no matter what: don’t look in the box.”
From the Family research Council: http://downloads.frc.org/EF/EF07H24.pdf
How are we preparing our kids for this?
How are we preparing them for the attack of child predators?
It doesn’t have to be difficult; all we need to do is the following:
1. Recognize the need for concern.
2. Give prayerful consideration.
3. Set some family guidelines
4. Have a family discussion.
Here are 6 Guidelines for safe internet use in the home:
1. Place the computer in central location in your home.
2. Set time limits and enforce them!
3. Clearly define allowable content and forbidden content.
4. Kids Share no personal information
5. Kids Tell parents of anything that makes them uncomfortable.
6. Kids Never respond to messages from someone they don’t know.
But Boy, aint it Great!
Notwithstanding all of its inherent challenges, the Internet can be a wonderful blessing when used in a healthy and controlled setting. In retrospect, I can’t imagine the world without it.
Some of ways the Internet can bless the lives of families include:
• Online college courses
• Online banking
• Wholesome games
• Home School programs
• Connecting with Family and Friends
• Unlimited applications for the small business
• Various ways to generate income
• Research
• Music and Videos
There’s no denying that the internet is a powerful influence in the world and especially the modern family. Its contents are a mirror image of our society and therefore are a great source of virtue and vice. We alone, must determine how it will impact our homes.
As always, I’m anxious to hear your thoughts on the matter:
What have you found to work well in your home?
Have you managed to find balance with this difficult topic?
What guidelines have you set for your family?
Next in this series on Modern Technology: Blessing or Curse in the Home, we’ll tackle the topic of Gaming- Are You Playing with Fire? Please subscribe below to receive it and all the latest posts via email. Until then, thanks and God Bless!
Why the Heck are PG13 Movies Marketed to Little Kids?
Am I the only one sick of movies with content rated for teenagers being pushed on my little children?
The other day my family went to McD’s and ordered a round of Happy Meals for the kids (ages 2, 4, and 6) and what was in them…..little blue men! Look, I saw Avatar and it rocked, but my 4 year old ain't going there. I know our society has its problems, but the only thing I find more annoying are pants for toddlers with “HOTTIE” plastered across the backside. Call me old fashioned, but last time I checked “Adult Language, Adult Situations, and Violence” were not exactly the best things for our little sponges to absorb!
Question: Why are movies with content rated for teenagers marketed to the 4-7 age demographic?
Answer: Because it works!
Who’s To Blame?
The capitalists...right? We need social reform….let’s get some government regulation here. Wrong!
I love capitalism….no buts, I just love it. I’d better, I’m an entrepreneur. Capitalism isn’t the problem here. Our failing family values are the problem!
Free enterprise doesn’t create problems in a society; it only mirrors the problems that already exist. If we didn’t buy those stupid toddler pants no one would produce them. If we didn’t take our little kids to PG13 movies they wouldn’t market to them. The dregs of free market are only the symptom….the breakdown of the family is the disease.
A Return to Traditional Family Values is Needed!
Have you ever sat down and watched Andy Griffith with your kids? If not, you’d be amazed. You’ll actually like it…..I promise! How about reading Little House on the Prairie? There are tons of wholesome family activities and they don’t have to be circa 1960.
We learned as children that we are what we eat. The same is true of anything we consume, whether it’s a Double Whopper with Cheese, less than uplifting music, or pornography. The more we surround ourselves and our families with virtuous things the more uplifted and inspired we will be. I've recently asked myself:
What am I feeding My Children?
What kind of example am I setting?
Let’s all take the time to assess how we are doing as parents. Let’s have the courage to make the changes necessary to insure our children have the rock solid foundation they need to withstand the storms they will face in today’s world. The family is the most fundamental unit of society. Our community, country, and world can only be as strong as its families.
But I’d like to hear from you. Does the whole PG13 thing bother you? What challenges or frustrations do you face as a parent?
As always, I invite you to subscribe below to receive the latest blog posts via email.
