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Anyone Can Learn to Smile!

When I was 3 years old my parents took me to an amusement park for a family outing. To this day my Mom tells the story of how she put me on a ride and I literally bit my lip to keep from smiling. I’m not surprised….in fact, learning to smile has been one of the hardest things I’ve done in my adult life. Some people have a natural smile; their face just seems to have a perpetual grin. That’s never been the case with me; at least until I decided to do something about it. I’m sure this sounds ludicrous to the natural grinners out there; but those of you who are reluctant to bare teeth should know that you can learn to smile! I found that one of the first steps was uncovering the real reasons why I had an aversion to showing emotion.

3 Reasons I didn’t Smile:

Lack of confidence
The truth is that I thought I looked silly when I smiled. In retrospect, it was like my wacky brain made smiling equivalent to wearing a pair of underwear on my head or something! I was so concerned about how I was perceived by everyone around me that I figured it was easier to show no facial emotion than to risk the chance of being rejected.

Negative reinforcement
To add salt to the wound, when I saw a picture of myself with even a hint of a smile, I hated it. I would say to myself, “If I look this stupid I’ll be sure to never do it”. I was also labeled as “the guy who never smiled” by family and friends, or accused as always being serious….which is very annoying to a guy who’s anything but.
You can start to see the vicious cycle forming.

Fear of Change
I had formed an identity around not smiling. Others had labeled me, and frankly I bought into it. Changing this would mean a total internal transformation, one that allowed me to have enough confidence to smile without concern. That sounded good, but then what about the identity? What would the labelers and accusers say? They would certainly make a comment when after years of being tight lipped I spontaneously start showing some teeth.

How the heck could I overcome all of this and put my true emotions on display for the world to see? The most frustrating part is that I was genuinely happy, laid back, and very optimistic….but this is not the image of myself I portrayed to others. This made it tough to make a strong first impression, and consequently made it difficult for a new person to get to know the real me. I finally reached a point where I resolved to overcome this personal hurdle.

How I learned to Smile

I Shifted Two Key Values
We all make decisions in life based on our value sets. For example, let’s look at how we buy clothes. Two people could have the same exact values for the clothes they purchase: comfort and style. But if they prioritize these values differently they will come out of the store with totally different outfits. For years I had valued not being rejected more than showing my emotions, so I had always played it safe and not smiled. Now I place more value on being myself than on the risk of rejection, and therefore smile and laugh at will. I still value other people’s judgment, but it’s subservient to being my true self. Essentially I’m saying: Accept me or reject me, but at least you have the real me.

I Found deeper Meaning in Life
I became ready to make this shift when I came to a realization that I was created to fulfill a specific purpose in this life. I knew I had a mission from God, and overcoming all of the obstacles standing between my current self and the version of myself that I was created to become would be necessary. One of those little hurdles for me was learning to smile, and there are many, many more left to tackle. But I’m coming to realize that it doesn’t matter what the hurdles are. If we are dedicated to fulfilling the measure of our creation, God will empower us to literally overcome anything. A personal relationship with Him will lead us to a point where we desire His will above all other things. This is the point where we are no longer controlled by fear, but by Love. And silly little things like learning to smile that seemed for years like insurmountable obstacles just fall by the wayside. With God all things are possible.

Wow, I feel like I just left a therapy session….you can send me a bill.

Seriously though, I’d like to hear what you think. Have you ever had to overcome something in your life that seemed insurmountable? Has God ever helped you through a difficulty? Until next time, take care!